Ever felt like you’re buzzing up against an invisible barrier, like a fly at a window? You can see your goal clearly… it’s just there! And yet, no matter how much effort you pour in, you can’t seem to get through.
I came across a brilliant metaphor in The Prosperous Coach that stopped me in my tracks: It’s like a fly buzzing up against a window.
That image stuck with me. The fly has all the energy and determination in the world. It can see the light, the open air, what it believes is freedom just inches away. But no matter how many times it hurls itself at the glass, it doesn’t break through. From our perspective, it’s obvious the fly is missing something. There’s probably an open door just a little to the left.
The fly doesn’t see it. It’s fixated. Stuck in the belief that more effort equals progress. Sound familiar?
When Pushing Harder Stops Working
This metaphor speaks to a feeling many of us know all too well: the frustration of doing everything right, following the steps, and still hitting a wall. You’ve had wins before. You’ve followed the playbook. You might even be modelling your actions on someone you admire who’s made it work. But this time, nothing’s shifting. You double down, push harder, try to work smarter but the resistance remains.
It’s maddening… and exhausting.
Here’s the truth: most of the time, it’s not a skills gap or a lack of willpower. It’s that we’re stuck in a particular way of seeing the situation and no amount of effort will solve what actually requires a shift in perspective.
Insight Needs Breathing Room
Some of our clearest moments of thinking don’t come at our desks. They arrive when we least expect them: in the shower, on a walk, while driving, or just after we’ve stopped trying to “solve” the problem.
I’ve learned to value these “insight-friendly” spaces. They’re the environments, mental or physical, where clarity tends to find us, not the other way around. Over time, I’ve come to recognise one of the most consistent insight-friendly spaces in my life: coaching.
When I bring a problem to a coaching conversation, I’m not expecting a step-by-step solution. I’m inviting reflection. Often, the simple act of speaking aloud, of articulating what feels messy, allows me to see it more clearly. My coach reflects, gently probes, or simply holds space… and gradually, the tangle starts to loosen.
What felt like a fixed obstacle often reveals itself as something more navigable: a mindset I hadn’t noticed, an assumption I’d mistaken for fact, or a pressure I’d unconsciously accepted. I don’t walk away with a checklist. I walk away with clarity and from there, new possibilities tend to open up.
The Value of Slowing Down
In our productivity-obsessed world, slowing down can feel like weakness or wasted time. But when we’re stuck, slowing down is often the smartest, most strategic thing we can do.
It allows us to step back and question what’s really going on. Is this goal still aligned with what matters most to me? Have I made assumptions I haven’t tested? Am I solving the right problem?
This isn’t about giving up. It’s about pausing long enough to look around… and maybe spot the open door.
What to Try When You’re Stuck
Here are a few practical ideas for those “buzzing at the window” moments:
- Step away from the problem: Changing your physical space can disrupt your mental loops. Take a walk, switch locations, or give yourself a day off from thinking about it.
- Speak it out loud: Whether with a coach, a trusted friend, or even to your journal, naming what’s going on helps loosen its hold.
- Ask better questions: Instead of “Why isn’t this working?”, try “What else could this mean?”, “What am I not seeing?”, or “Where else might progress be hiding?”
- Trust in insights: They often arrive when you stop chasing them. Let your mind wander. Give it room to breathe.
- Remember past stuck moments: Think back to a time when you were blocked but eventually found your way forward. What helped then? What conditions made that insight possible?
Final Thoughts
That image of the fly is one I’ll carry with me. Because I’ve been that fly – many times. Maybe you have too. It doesn’t mean we’re foolish. It means we’re human. It means we care deeply about moving forward. Sometimes so much that we forget to look around!
There’s usually a way forward, but it often isn’t through force or more effort. It’s through seeing differently. That starts with slowing down, letting go of rigid plans, and making space for something new to arise.
If you’re feeling stuck, it might not be about doing more. It might be time to pause, reflect. and gently look around for the open door. If you’d like a space to do just that, coaching could be a valuable place to start.
Feel free to reach out if you’re curious.
Patrick Hickman 