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Life’s lessons

It is often said that we learn more from adversity than we do when everything is going to plan. I was reflecting on this recently and I remembered something that happened to me a few years ago.

After completing a half marathon run, I developed serious, debilitating back pain which meant I had to stop running for a while. Indeed, most physical activity became impossible during that period. Previously I would have just reached for some pain killers to numb the pain and carry on, but on this occasion the pain killers provided very little relief … indeed I was still in such pain that I wondered what it would feel like without them!

This was something that was very hard to deal with as I have always been active. I played hockey at school, later turning my hand to bicycles (both road and BMX). I love playing squash and tennis (although it’s been a while since I last played) and more recently it’s running, HIIT training and, in the summer months, touch rugby have become my means of keeping fit.

Fortunately a friend recommended a local chiropractor, with whom I agreed during our initial consultation that I wanted to get back to an active lifestyle, without drugs and without surgery if possible. With that aim I commenced a 3 month treatment programme that ultimately got me back out there, running and being active again.

During this treatment we discovered a number of factors that were contributing to my back pain, and while the length of time it took to get me back to pain-free activity was frustrating, what I quickly learned was that these contributing factors had been there for years, in the background seemingly harmlessly, but always just quietly accumulating until this tipping point was reached. Something that had taken years to build up was not going to be fixed overnight, and certainly not just with pain killers!

Through this process I learned a lot about myself, my body and how to better look after myself beyond just being active. I learned to look more closely at what may be causing the pain and identify ways to address these causes rather than resorting to a quick-fix syptom based approach. I firmly believe that I am in a better place now having been through those challenges.

It’s often said that even in the most challenging of situations that we find ourselves in, there’s a lesson in there somewhere. Whilst it is often not clear at the time, when we look back, we can often see that what we have been through has taught us something.

My message to you is, when adversity strikes try to find the space and time to look for the lesson, or at the very least keep pushing on and eventually when you come out the other side you will see the lesson.

Have a plan… but be flexible

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I am a firm believer that planning is essential in many walks of life, although there certainly are times when spontaneity can lead to a heightened sense of enjoyment, such as taking a stroll through a new town when on holiday, or stoppig for a meal at a restaurant you’ve never been to. Having a plan helps things run more smoothly… and then again there are times when we can do all the planning we like only for life to throw us a challenge, requiring us to flex these plans in order to achieve success.

I was recently involved in running of the summer fair at my daughter’s school. It was a long and gruelling day, which involved arriving early, setting up, running the bar / cafe stall, and then putting everything away again at the end of the day. The days leading up to this event and the day itself threw up a number of opportunities for all of this to be brought into focus…

With a keen eye on the weather forecast for the day, it became clear to the organisers that the weather on the day had to potential to disrupt the smooth running of the event, which is usually held outdoors. What were the options? Carry on as planned, but risk significantly lower attendance; re-jig plans and put as much as possible of the event indoors; or cancel altogether. Option 2 was chosen and with this decision, all the previous plans were set aside, and off kicked a whole lot of re-planning to hopefully ensure a smooth-running event. How did the it go? Well, it’s fair to say given the changes it went very well, in fact better than expected. It was a lot of work but it was the right choice and resulted in a successful outcome… have a plan, but be flexible.

Then, several times during the event I was struck by the importance of having a plan to make things run more smoothly – whether that is in the setting up, the running of the day, or the clean up afterwards. I am sure we can all recal times when something has not gone as smoothly as we’d hoped and it turns out that if someone had just thought things through a bit more then everyone would’ve had so much better of an experience.

Needless to say, having a plan doesn’t guarantee success, but it can certainly make life a lot easier – whether it is layout of the bar stock, or co-ordinating a team of volunteers to erect or take down a gazebo, having a plan helps everything run more smoothly. I have often watched on as others have attempted to erect a gazebo, it can be a painful experience, but not as much as watching someone trying to take it down… At this most recent event we managed to both put up and take down several gazebos in terrible weather without any hitches. This was down to someone knowing what to do, and leading the others with clear and simple instructions, someone who’s clearly done this many times before!

I am putting together a new coaching programme to launch later this summer. Developing this will take some planning, and I am sure a great deal of flexibility. Keep a look out for it! In the meantime, if you’d like to arrange a conversation about coaching, please reach out. Happy planning!

Where is the limit?

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I was talking with my coach the other day and we got to discussing perceptions of what is possible. It’s long been a passion of mine to discover what makes people succeed. “What is success?” I hear you ask… well, that’s a topic for another discussion. For now let’s leave it as success is whatever it is for the individual concerned.

How successful we are is often governed by how far we are prepared to go to achieve it. I am not saying here that absolutely anything goes, let’s keep it legal, moral and good for our fellow human beings. What I am saying though, is that how far we push ourselves will often determine how successful we are in our chosen endeavour. What is the limit to how far we can push ourselves? How do we find out where the limit is? What happens if we go beyond the limit?

I have long been a motosports fan. Nowadays motorsport is safer than it’s ever been (there is still danger, but it is masively reduced from days gone by) and so going beyond the limit tends not to have life alterning consequences, indeed usually the most that happens is that the driver is out of the race. Those that win (i.e. are successful by motor racing standards) are those that push until they find the limit, the limit of grip of the car’s tyres, the braking point beyond which the car will not slow enough to make the turn, and then stay at that limit (or very close to it) for as long as they can.

When we look at our every day targets, goals, and aspirations can we say that we push to find our own limits? How often do we reach our limits? For many of us, we find ourselves hesitating in the face of what we perceive to be our limits. Are these really our limits? How do we know? What will happen if we strive towards these limits?

Whenever, I am faced with a challenge I try to dig deeper to understand more about why I am perceiving it as a challenge. When I do this more often than not I discover that the challenge is not real, the limit is not real, it is something that I am making up. Once I do this I find that taking the necessary next steps becomes so much easier.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always catch myself putting up barriers to success but I am getting better at idenfying when I do, challenging the thinking that is behind this feeling, watching the perceived limit disappear and freeing up my thinking to move forward.

If you’d like to explore how working with me can help you to move past any barriers or limits you may be facing then get in touch for a chat.

Clear your mind…

Have you ever wondered why sometimes everything just goes smoothly, you just navigate past any obstacles, or maybe you don’t even pay attention to them. You’re focused on your goal, and you just effortlessly progress towards it.

I was walking my daughter to school the other day while she rode her bicycle, something she only recently mastered. As we went along, we’d come up behind other people, and she’d slow down, balancing nicely as she waited for a chance to get past. I praised her for how well she was riding, balancing expertly at very slow speed, fully in control.

While I was suitably impressed, given her relative inexperience, it was at that point that the spell was broken. She suddenly started to focus on the people and other “obstacles” and started telling herself how scary it was and that she didn’t want to bump anyone. Where before she’d just been riding and navigating past anything she came across, now all of a sudden she saw all these obstacles.

This experience reminded me (again) that as humans we perform best when we have a clear mind, when we aren’t focusing on all the hazards but just trusting that we’ll know what to do and how to do it when we need to.

We should all strive to operate with a clear mind and catch ourselves when we aren’t, so that we can fall back into our natural state and effortlessly achieve our best results.

If you’d like to talk about how coaching can help you achieve this more regularly, reach out for a conversation.

Here’s to you achieving clear-minded success.

Go with the flow

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I was talking to my coach a couple of days ago as we prepared to record an interview. When he asked if I was ready to get to it I responded that I had meant to review our previous discussion in preparation for this but had only glanced through it very quickly. As we talked this through we explored whether the fact that I had only skimmed it was perhaps a good thing.

It reminded me of my wedding speech. I had prepared my speech for the big day and typed it out, highlighting a few of the key points / phrases that I wanted to include. I practiced reading it several times in the mirror or with other close people, and each time I couldn’t get through it without my emotions getting the better of me and having to stop to collect myself. I started to worry that I would be a blubbering wreck on the day and my speech would be ruined. Then something clicked, I decided that I didn’t need to keep practicing the speech and I would just get up there, glance at my notes, and let it flow.

If I really think about it there have been many times in my life where I have got to a point of deciding to just let things happen. In every case it has worked out completely fine and all the fears and hesitations that I’d had beforehand didn’t even show up. It doesn’t always come easily to me, this ability to just let things play out – I often have to concsciously decide to, but whenever I do it seems to work.

In the end I decided that we should just crack on with the interview and see where it went. I actually enjoyed the process and it felt very freeing to be able to just talk without worrying about whether I was on script or not. I can’t wait to see the outcome.

So, how did the weddnig speech go? Well, while I did feel the emotions rise as I got to the parts that had me going when I was practicing, I managed to take a breath and carry on. It felt great and I think it landed, at least a few people told me it came across as really heart-felt and had them getting emotional about it. I take that as success.

If you find yourself getting stuck, take a few deep breaths, remind yourself of what you are doing and why, and then go with the flow. It works for me and I am sure it will work for you. If you want to get in touch to find out if working with me is for you, please get in touch.