patrickhickmancoaching

One Step at a Time: Rediscovering the Power of Now

There’s something about a bright spring afternoon in the countryside that has a way of quieting the mind – if we let it.

This last weekend, our family took a trip to Winkworth Arboretum in the Surrey Hills. It was one of those unexpectedly perfect days – mild, sunny, and serene. The kind of day that invites you to breathe a little deeper, slow your pace, and tune into the world around you.

At one point, lying back on the grass and looking up at the sky, I wasn’t thinking of anything in particular, I was just… there. It felt calm, quiet, peaceful. Then – just like that – I thought about the drive home. Roadworks. Diversions. Traffic. And suddenly that peaceful state evaporated. My shoulders tensed. My brain whirred. The contrast was startling. Nothing had physically changed – I was still lying there under the same blue sky – but internally, it felt like a different world.

“Now Is All That Exists”

That shift brought to mind something I’d heard Dr Bill Pettit say in a recent webinar: “Now is all that exists.”

It’s a phrase I’ve heard in many guises over the years, often dismissed as a nice idea – uplifting but not all that practical. But recently, it’s started to resonate more deeply. Especially as I explore the link between thought and experience, and how our internal dialogue shapes the world we perceive.

What was creating that sense of calm on the one hand, and the feeling of dread a moment later? As Jamie Smart puts it in Clarity, our feelings come from thought taking form in the moment — not from our circumstances. When I was absorbed in the blue sky, the birdsong, and the rustle of the leaves, I was present, and all was calm. The moment my thoughts jumped ahead to potential traffic, the frustration crept in. But it wasn’t the traffic — it hadn’t even happened yet. It was just my thinking in that moment, doing what thinking does.

We Live in the Feeling of Our Thinking

This is an easy truth to overlook, especially when life gets busy. We blame the traffic, the looming deadlines, the difficult conversation we had last week. But if we stop and look a little closer, we realise: stress isn’t coming from the outside. It’s coming from inside – from the way we’re thinking about what’s outside.

That afternoon, when I stayed rooted in the present – the sounds of the birds, the feel of the grass, the laughter of my daughters – there was nothing to fix, nothing to worry about. Just life, unfolding as it does, one breath at a time.

Focus on the Next Step, Not the Whole Hill

Later that day, I followed my youngest daughter down a steep path. As we descended, I was acutely aware of one thing: we’d have to walk back up. Given my current level of fitness (a work-in-progress, let’s say), I knew that was going to be a challenge.

But as we made our way up again, I instinctively returned to an old habit from my cycling days: keep your eyes just ahead, and focus on the next few metres. Don’t stare at the top. While the summit can feel overwhelming, the next step rarely does.

That mindset carried me through. The climb was still tough, but it was also energising. I could feel my legs working, my heart pumping, my breath quickening – but I was in it. And with each step, I felt more alive.

The Present Moment Is Where Life Happens

Whether it’s climbing a hill or facing the everyday demands of modern life, the present moment is our anchor. The past is done. The future is imagined. All we truly have is now. And yet we spend so much of our time outside of it.

There’s an old saying: “Worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but doesn’t get you anywhere.”

That rings true. Worry might feel like preparation or control, but it’s usually just mental noise that keeps us from fully engaging with life as it is, not as we fear it might become.

Conclusion: The Gift of Being Here

That afternoon in the Surrey Hills was a quiet reminder of something powerful: life happens in moments, not plans. We don’t need to eliminate thought, or control it – but recognising when we’re getting caught in imagined futures or recycled pasts can help us gently return to the here and now.

So whether you’re lying under a wide blue sky or stuck in traffic (real or imagined), notice where your attention is. Can you come back to your breath? To the next step? To what’s directly in front of you?

Because now really is all that exists – and it might just be more peaceful than you think.

It Starts Within: The Quiet Power of Personal Insight

The other day I was chatting with my coach, reflecting on the progress I’ve seen in both my clients and the young rugby players I coach. It got us talking about what really drives that progress – what’s the “magic sauce” that helps people move forward? The answer we kept circling back to wasn’t a clever tactic or a bulletproof plan. It was something quieter, more subtle – and far more powerful. It was realisation. The kind that comes from within.

The Moment the Fog Lifts

In coaching conversations, people often arrive with something they want to fix or figure out. Together we talk it through, exploring different angles… and sometimes, in the space between sentences, there’s a shift. A penny drops. Something clicks. Not because of something I’ve said – but because they’ve seen something for themselves.

I’ve experienced this on the other side, too. When my coach reflects back to me something I’ve said, I sometimes hear it differently, almost like it’s something outside of me that’s caused it – but the power of it lies in the fact that I’ve realised it for myself. That moment of clarity doesn’t come from advice. It comes from within, and once it lands, everything changes.

Why Insight Beats Instruction

This same principle shows up every week on the rugby field. I can teach a player a technique – how to pass more accurately, how to stay safe in the tackle – but in the middle of a game, it’s down to them.

They need to try, fail, learn, and reflect. That reflection might come from a question like “What did you notice when you tried that?” – and that’s where the real learning happens.

Some call this “tacit” coaching versus “explicit” coaching. Explicit coaching gives the answer. Tacit coaching helps someone find their own. And when they do, the understanding runs deeper. It’s more likely to show up when it counts – under pressure, in a moment of uncertainty, or when the stakes are high.

From ‘I Can’t’ to ‘I Just Did’

Just yesterday at rugby training, we played a game designed to get everyone kicking and catching. One player said, “I can’t kick the ball.” Moments later, after a bit of encouragement, she kicked it.

Did it go perfectly? Of course not – it was one of her first tries. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that she kicked it. And when I pointed that out, “You said you can’t kick the ball, but you just did…” you could see the realisation land.

Moments like this are the heartbeat of my work with both my coaching clients and my rugby team. Creating space for people to see that they can, to realise that what they thought was out of reach is already within them.

Belief Follows Evidence

Realisation is the starting point. But once someone experiences success, no matter how small, they start to believe. And that belief is everything.

Whether it’s a player trying a new skill or a client working through a challenge, if they keep showing up, keep reflecting, keep seeking… they will move forward. Often without even noticing at first. Then one day, they’ll look back and see how far they’ve come – not because someone told them what to do, but because they uncovered it for themselves.

Conclusion

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the most transformative shifts don’t come from being told, they come from being seen. As coaches, parents, mentors or leaders, our role isn’t to hand over answers, but to hold up the mirror, ask the right questions, and trust that the people we support already hold the key.

Progress may look different for everyone, but it almost always starts with the same spark: realisation. And once that spark is lit, the momentum becomes unstoppable.

If you’re curious about what you might discover for yourself, and you’d like to explore coaching, let’s talk.

Hardwired to Handle It: Trusting Your Inner Resilience

You’re more capable than you realise — here’s why resilience is already within you.

We’re living in a world that’s changing faster than most of us can keep up with. News feeds are filled with conflict, uncertainty, and stress. It’s not surprising that resilience has become a bit of a buzzword — often talked about as something we need to acquire or develop.

But what if we’ve got it the wrong way around?

What if resilience isn’t something you build from the outside in… but something you reconnect with from the inside out?

Resilience Is Already in You

As human beings, we are incredibly adaptable. Just think about the sheer range of situations people have lived through — from global pandemics to personal loss, from job upheavals to parenting challenges. There are people who have not just survived but grown stronger through it all.

Dr John Demartini describes resilience as “the ability to adapt to a changing environment.” That environment might be external — like job changes or health scares — or internal, like anxiety or self-doubt. Either way, the ability to adapt doesn’t come from training ourselves to be tough. It comes from remembering that we already are.

You don’t have to ‘get’ resilience. You already have it.

The World Might Be Loud — But Clarity Is Still Available

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything going on around us. Doomscrolling has become a daily ritual for many — and it can genuinely start to feel like the world is permanently in crisis mode.

But even in the noise, clarity is available. That moment when the mind settles, the fog lifts, and you know what to do next — that’s not something you had to force. It’s what naturally emerges when we’re not caught up in frantic thought.

As coach and author Jamie Smart puts it, we are “built for reality.” Life can be uncertain, messy, and painful. But we don’t need to control everything out there to be okay in here.

Resilience Is Not the Absence of Struggle

Sometimes we mistake resilience for being unaffected — as if the truly strong people are the ones who never wobble. But that’s not real life.

Resilience isn’t about feeling amazing all the time or never having a bad day. It’s about the capacity to return to centre. To regroup. To navigate discomfort without becoming defined by it.

Feeling stressed or emotional doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. And the bounce-back — the ability to keep going, to learn, to find humour or hope or grace — that’s resilience in action.

Trusting the System Within

We often look outside ourselves for reassurance — to people, routines, plans. And while those can all be helpful, the deeper safety comes from knowing that you have what it takes, even when plans change and the path gets rocky.

Just like the body knows how to heal a cut without you consciously doing anything, the mind has a built-in capacity to stabilise. When you’re not piling on judgement or panic, you return to a calmer, clearer state far more naturally than you might think.

That’s the system working as it was designed to.

Final Thoughts: You’re Built for This

The world may feel heavy at times. The pace of change may be relentless. But in the face of all of that, you’re still here. Still showing up. Still capable.

Resilience isn’t something reserved for a special few. It’s not about brute force or positive thinking. It’s about rediscovering what’s always been in you — your ability to adapt, respond, and keep moving, no matter what life brings.

You’re hardwired to handle it.

The Secret to Meetings That Actually Get Things Done

From Waffle to Work: Transforming Meetings into Productivity Powerhouses

Meetings are an integral part of professional life. They can be the birthplace of innovative ideas and strategic decisions, or they can devolve into time-consuming sessions that drain energy and morale. Reflecting on recent experiences, I’ve observed key factors that distinguish productive meetings from unproductive ones.

1. Define Clear Objectives

A meeting without a clear purpose is like setting sail without a destination. It’s essential to establish and communicate the meeting’s objectives beforehand. This clarity ensures that all participants are aligned and can contribute meaningfully. When discussions veer off course, referring back to the primary goal helps realign the conversation.

2. Set and Adhere to an Agenda

An agenda serves as a roadmap for the meeting. It outlines the topics to be covered and allocates time for each. Distributing the agenda in advance allows attendees to prepare adequately. Meetings without agendas often meander, leading to frustration and wasted time. If you find yourself in a meeting lacking direction, it’s reasonable to question its purpose and, if appropriate, excuse yourself to focus on other tasks.

3. Manage Emotional Dynamics

Emotions can run high during discussions, especially on contentious topics. While passion indicates engagement, unchecked emotions can cloud judgement and derail conversations. It’s crucial to foster an environment where participants feel heard but also encouraged to maintain professionalism. Techniques such as active listening and taking brief pauses before responding can help manage emotional responses.

4. Recognise the Value of Relationship-Building

Not all meetings are strictly task-oriented. Some serve to build rapport among team members, understand each other’s roles, and lay the groundwork for future collaborations. These sessions are valuable as they enhance team cohesion and trust, which are vital for long-term success.

5. Address Off-Topic Issues Appropriately

It’s common for unrelated issues to surface during meetings. Instead of allowing these to sidetrack the discussion, acknowledge them and suggest addressing them at a more suitable time. This approach ensures that all concerns are noted without compromising the meeting’s focus.

6. Communicate Clearly and Seek Clarification

Ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings and misaligned actions. Strive to articulate your points clearly. If you’re on the receiving end of unclear information, don’t hesitate to ask clarifying questions. Effective communication is a two-way street, and ensuring mutual understanding is paramount.

7. Capture Actions to Ensure Follow-Through

A meeting without clear actions at the end is just a discussion. To make sure things actually get done:

Summarise Key Decisions and Next Steps – Before wrapping up, recap what has been agreed upon.
Assign Responsibilities – Make it clear who is responsible for each action point.
Set Deadlines – Even the best ideas will stall without a timeframe for completion.
Follow Up – Whether it’s an email summary, a shared document, or a check-in at the next meeting, ensure there’s accountability.

8. Focus on Controllable Factors

Post-meeting reflections can sometimes lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, especially if outcomes aren’t as expected. It’s beneficial to concentrate on aspects within your control – your preparation, participation, and follow-through. Recognise that not all variables are controllable, and sometimes, strategic concessions are necessary.

In conclusion, transforming meetings from unproductive to productive requires intentional planning, emotional intelligence, and clear communication. By implementing these strategies, we can ensure that our meetings serve their intended purpose and contribute positively to our organisational goals.

The Awkward Art of Starting

What Blowing a Whistle Taught Me About Learning

There’s a well-worn saying: you can only learn to ride a bicycle by riding a bicycle. Anne Lamott, the American author and writing teacher, used this phrase when speaking about learning and creativity — but really, it applies to just about everything worth doing. The idea is simple, but easy to forget: imagining how something will feel, or watching others do it, will only take you so far. To truly understand, you have to get on the bike. You have to wobble, pedal, crash, get up, and try again.

This became especially clear to me recently when my daughter enrolled on an introduction to rugby refereeing course. Like most new referees, the first thing they were handed wasn’t a law book or a PowerPoint — it was a whistle. And they weren’t just told how to use it; they were asked to demonstrate the variety of tones and volumes a referee might use during a match.

And where did all this happen? Not safely hidden indoors, but outside on the pitch, in front of one another — adding an extra layer of nerves. What followed was entertaining, to say the least. The group, a mix of young people and adults, stood awkwardly clutching their shiny new whistles. One by one, they gave it a go. Some whistles barely squeaked, others pierced the cold air unexpectedly. Some participants turned red with embarrassment, others giggled nervously, and a few found surprising confidence in their first blast. It was delightful, slightly chaotic, and utterly human.

What struck me most wasn’t just the comedy of it, but the deeper metaphor playing out before me. None of these budding referees could learn to referee simply by reading the law book or watching rugby on TV. They had to blow the whistle themselves — and, crucially, get it wrong before they got it right.

The Gap Between Imagining and Doing

So much of learning works this way. There is always a gap between imagining and doing. We think we understand what something will be like, but the reality is rarely how we picture it. Before blowing a whistle on a pitch surrounded by others, the act may seem straightforward — how hard can it be? But when you’re standing there, needing to produce the right sound with the right energy, self-consciousness and uncertainty creep in. The muscles don’t work the way you expect. The sound isn’t quite what you intended.

In life, we often hesitate at the edge of trying something new because of this very gap. We prefer the safety of theory. We read about it, plan it, and imagine ourselves doing it well. But until we step in and have a go, the learning can’t begin.

And here’s the important bit: the first tries are often messy, awkward, or even a little bit embarrassing. Just like those tentative whistles. Just like the wobbly first pedal strokes when you first learned to ride a bike.

The Courage to Be Awkward

Watching my daughter and the other participants fumble through their first whistle blows reminded me that learning is, by nature, an act of vulnerability. To begin anything new is to risk getting it wrong, sometimes publicly. Yet this is the only way forward.

How often do we hold back from learning new skills or pursuing new opportunities simply because we don’t want to be seen wobbling? We convince ourselves we need to read just one more book, take one more course, or prepare just a little bit longer. Preparation has its place, of course, but eventually, you have to blow the whistle.

Whether it’s public speaking, starting a new job, coaching for the first time, parenting, or any number of life’s challenges, the principle is the same. The theory and preparation give you a framework, but the real learning only starts when you step in, and likely, when you mess up a little.

Life is Full of First Whistles

Life is packed with ‘first whistles’ — moments when we have to find the courage to try, without knowing exactly how it will go. We all have them, whether we’re children or adults. And just like on the refereeing course, the first attempts may feel awkward, tentative, or hilarious.

But here’s the beauty of it: with each try, confidence grows. The second whistle is a little stronger. The third starts to sound like the referees we’ve all heard on a Saturday afternoon. Before long, what once felt unnatural becomes second nature.

Anne Lamott was right. You can only learn to ride a bicycle by riding a bicycle. Likewise, you can only learn to referee by refereeing — and yes, by blowing the whistle. You can only learn to live fully by living, mistakes and all.

So, whatever your whistle looks like — a new skill, a fresh challenge, or a long-held dream — I hope you’ll find the courage to give it that first, tentative blow. It might not sound perfect the first time, but that’s exactly how learning works.