The other day I was chatting with my coach, reflecting on the progress I’ve seen in both my clients and the young rugby players I coach. It got us talking about what really drives that progress – what’s the “magic sauce” that helps people move forward? The answer we kept circling back to wasn’t a clever tactic or a bulletproof plan. It was something quieter, more subtle – and far more powerful. It was realisation. The kind that comes from within.
The Moment the Fog Lifts
In coaching conversations, people often arrive with something they want to fix or figure out. Together we talk it through, exploring different angles… and sometimes, in the space between sentences, there’s a shift. A penny drops. Something clicks. Not because of something I’ve said – but because they’ve seen something for themselves.
I’ve experienced this on the other side, too. When my coach reflects back to me something I’ve said, I sometimes hear it differently, almost like it’s something outside of me that’s caused it – but the power of it lies in the fact that I’ve realised it for myself. That moment of clarity doesn’t come from advice. It comes from within, and once it lands, everything changes.
Why Insight Beats Instruction
This same principle shows up every week on the rugby field. I can teach a player a technique – how to pass more accurately, how to stay safe in the tackle – but in the middle of a game, it’s down to them.
They need to try, fail, learn, and reflect. That reflection might come from a question like “What did you notice when you tried that?” – and that’s where the real learning happens.
Some call this “tacit” coaching versus “explicit” coaching. Explicit coaching gives the answer. Tacit coaching helps someone find their own. And when they do, the understanding runs deeper. It’s more likely to show up when it counts – under pressure, in a moment of uncertainty, or when the stakes are high.
From ‘I Can’t’ to ‘I Just Did’
Just yesterday at rugby training, we played a game designed to get everyone kicking and catching. One player said, “I can’t kick the ball.” Moments later, after a bit of encouragement, she kicked it.
Did it go perfectly? Of course not – it was one of her first tries. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that she kicked it. And when I pointed that out, “You said you can’t kick the ball, but you just did…” you could see the realisation land.
Moments like this are the heartbeat of my work with both my coaching clients and my rugby team. Creating space for people to see that they can, to realise that what they thought was out of reach is already within them.
Belief Follows Evidence
Realisation is the starting point. But once someone experiences success, no matter how small, they start to believe. And that belief is everything.
Whether it’s a player trying a new skill or a client working through a challenge, if they keep showing up, keep reflecting, keep seeking… they will move forward. Often without even noticing at first. Then one day, they’ll look back and see how far they’ve come – not because someone told them what to do, but because they uncovered it for themselves.
Conclusion
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the most transformative shifts don’t come from being told, they come from being seen. As coaches, parents, mentors or leaders, our role isn’t to hand over answers, but to hold up the mirror, ask the right questions, and trust that the people we support already hold the key.
Progress may look different for everyone, but it almost always starts with the same spark: realisation. And once that spark is lit, the momentum becomes unstoppable.
If you’re curious about what you might discover for yourself, and you’d like to explore coaching, let’s talk.
Patrick Hickman 